Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Dress I Wore on Oprah

Several years and several pounds ago, I was on Oprah. YES - that Oprah. I was on the show to talk about losing weight. She and I were both thin at the time. (Oh for the good ol' days.)

Fast forward to now...both of us are trying to lose weight again. Well, I decided in addition to trying to get rid of the junk in my trunk, it was time to get rid of the junk in my closet. I've held on to that Oprah dress all this time. For several years, the dress fit. For the past decade, it hasn't. But it's the Oprah dress! And, it was hanging there right next to the Jenny Jones pantsuit, the Sally Jessy Raphael workout wear and after-show celebration outfit, the Home Show dresses, the Faith Daniels dress, the Jane Whitney little - and I mean little! - black skirt, lace top, and bright blazer...then there were the two buckets of clothes from other shows, speeches, appearances, etc that all held a special meaning. All of them taking up a full closet.

My neighborhood garage sale couldn't have been more appropriately timed - Earth Day week. Time to go green and pass along all these beautiful clothes to someone else. So, I got them out, put a ridiculously small price on all of them, and hung them up on a rack in the garage. I got out a bunch of other stuff that was going unused in my house and hung out the sale sign.

All was good!

Until the first person picked up the Oprah dress. I whimpered. Oh. My. God! Someone was looking at the dress. I thought I was going to puke. What if they bought it and I didn't have it any longer?! It was the Oprah dress! I whimpered again.

The lady looked at me and asked if I was okay. "Yeah." I choked the answer out. Then I blurted it out. "I wore that dress on Oprah." What the hell was I thinking? If she didn't want it before, she certainly did now! Who wouldn't want an Oprah dress?!!!!! Stupid!

Before I knew it, I was holding court. Everyone wanted the Oprah dress. And at $5.00, who wouldn't? There was only one problem, it was TOO SMALL for everyone. So, no one would buy it.

We went through all the TV clothes. After Oprah, the Faith Daniels dress was the most popular. (There is a helluva story about that one. Wait until you see that in my memoir!) No one could wear any of them. All of the clothes were too small! I was stunned into silence. But, everyone quickly moved to my bigger clothes and bought several pieces. They all wanted something from the "girl who had been on Oprah".

Towards the end of the day, a skinny, skinny lady walked down the driveway. She headed straight for the rack with the Oprah dress. It was the first dress she held out. She smiled and said, "This is such a pretty dress. I wish it was bigger so it would fit me." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I could not believe that it was too small for her but darned if it wasn't. I think that was the first time that I truly understood exactly how thin I had been.

So, when all was said and done, the Oprah dress ended up back in the closet at least for tonight. Lord knows I'll never get into it again. I suppose I could use it as a scarf but that's as close as I'd ever get to getting it on my body in any fashion in the future.

Next weekend is the annual neighborhood sale in my parents' subdivision. I think I'll give it a go and see if there are any shoppers with eating disorders on their side of town. If not, the clothes will be packed up for charity. Somewhere there's a hungry person who might be able to wear them.


Anonymous said...

OMG! I do not remember you talking about you being on Oprah....I'm sure you have in the past, but, my senior mind has a mental block and that just doesnt register right now!!! There's lots I must not remember about you....however, as I read through your blogs, some of it comes back to mind! What a life you have lead so far and you have so many years left to go!! Hey, more books to right.......

Charmi Schroeder said...

LOL! The Oprah appearance is not the best Oprah story...turning her down for another spot a few weeks later is even better! But that's a story for another post later. :)

A. Cory Ram said...

I don't remember Oprah either, but I absolutely loved this story and all your other "blog" stories -- you really are so talented. I cain't wait to read your new book (and you memoir when that comes out).

Charmi said...

Oprah was before I moved to the Carolinas. In fact, it was just before I moved here that I turned down a second appearance on her show. (Hope she doesn't hold that against me as I plan to be on there again...with my books!)

Thanks for the compliments about my writing! I love to do it.