Monday, January 5, 2009

The Way I See Things

Very little is clear right now. And, everything is skewed a bit to the left. "Give it three weeks." THREE WEEKS!!! I'll be batcrap crazy in three weeks! Heck, I'll be batcrap crazy by this time tomorrow!!

I got progressive lenses today. Actually, I got them on Friday. I wore them on Saturday until I almost puked. They sat in the pretty glass case the rest of the weekend until the eye doctor's office opened this morning. I got a woman who actually knew - and cared about - what she was doing today. She adjusted the glasses correctly so I can see through them. (I told the gal on Friday they weren't adjusted correctly but she cared more about lunch than my lopsided lenses.) But, there seems to be a problem with the left lens - so when I look a the computer screen, it looks like the Star Wars screen. It's bigger on the left than on the right...kinda like the left side is coming in from outer space. I spent five minutes trying to fix my "bent" laptop screen before I realized I was about to bend it and break it and stopped. When I look at the dinner table, it looks like the left side is about four inches lower than the right side and everything is going to slide off the table and onto the floor. I've "caught" stuff from falling off the side table next to my chair. You know - the flat table where everything is laying safe and sound. (Come to think of it, I might already be batcrap crazy!!!!)

But here's the kicker...did you know that when you have progressive lenses you have to tilt your head down to see things?! OMG! I already have two chins! I don't need a third and fourth!!! Why don't these glasses come with warnings BEFORE you buy them? Guess I'll lower my goal weight by ten or fifteen pounds. (Thanks, doc!)

I'm not exactly sure what's magic about three weeks. I don't know if they think that my eyes will change or my brain will straighten out the crookedness of the left lens. In the meantime, I am fighting the urge to adjust every picture in my house and move every item on every flat surface. So if you come for a visit, please let me know if something really is crooked. (I'll take off my glasses and straighten it.) And, if you're going to take my picture, PLEASE remind me to lift my head so that you don't get a picture of me looking like one of those lizards running through the desert...the ones with their chins down to their chest and the skin flapping in the breeze. PLEASE.

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